Concentric Counselling
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welcome to the concentric journal

 
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Fat Bubble: Bethany Rutter
Fat Bubble: Bethany Rutter
Why Bingeing is Only Half the Story
Why Bingeing is Only Half the Story

When people come to Concentric Counselling with a history of bingeing, they are often surprised that one of the first things I ask them is how often they restrict their food intake. To them, they are coming because the issue is bingeing. But what continues to reveal itself in the therapy room is that for many people that struggle with bingeing these episodes punctuate long periods of restriction.

The Heart of Body Collaboration - Intentions and Inspirations
The Heart of Body Collaboration - Intentions and Inspirations

Let me share with you some more details of the exciting model that I’ve been developing. Called Body Collaboration, it has emerged from my practice over the last ten years, a compassionate response to clients sharing a persistent issue - ‘I’m trying to hate myself into being ok with myself’. Body Collaboration is a pushback to a kyriarchal culture that teaches us to admonish ourselves rather than accept ourselves. It’s a radical practice of gathering in the most abandoned parts of ourselves, and offering them healing. And it’s a lovesong to what I think is the most powerful thing on Earth – partnership, collaboration, working together for the good of the all.

Sitting in the corridor - why it's a necessary part of recovery
Sitting in the corridor - why it's a necessary part of recovery

I often meet clients when they're in a particular spot... they’ve turned their back on intentional weight loss, knowing that going back into that way of life will only cause harm and open them up to risk. At the same time, they don't know how to transition into a space of body acceptance, knowing that there will also be loss in that decision.

From apology to entitlement - battling body assumptions
From apology to entitlement - battling body assumptions

In my corner of the world, we talk a lot about anti-fat bias or fatphobia and, more broadly, how it is to live in a body that is marginalised by dominant culture – through race, gender and sex, body size or shape, or disability.

Sometimes our conversations about anti-fat bias can take on a very theoretical and abstract form – as a systemic issue, of course we often look at it through a wide-angle lens. More recently, though, I’ve been thinking more and more of the individual impact of anti-fat bias – what it really means to live in a fatphobic culture.

Sensory Five - safety at your fingertips
Sensory Five - safety at your fingertips

Overwhelm and burnout don’t just happen in Covid times – these are themes I’ve been working for since the very beginning of my counselling career. It’s when our nervous system becomes overloaded, and we really struggle to regulate ourselves; feeling either anxious and agitated, or zoned out and flat.

Introducing A Modern Practice - Let Me Tell You More
Introducing A Modern Practice - Let Me Tell You More

For those of you who follow me on Instagram or subscribe to my mailing list you will know that I have been building towards a space for therapists to come together and connect. I’m so happy today to be able to outline this a little more, and introduce this idea to you.

Lessons from the ebb - how to get through when life draws back
Lessons from the ebb - how to get through when life draws back

We're in an ebb season, collectively, I think. And we're not encouraged to think about this at all. The effects of the pandemic, here in the UK, have been upon us for eleven months. And what’s been so surprising is how little accommodation we will often make for this. We’re living in a global tragedy – a collective trauma. Life has, necessarily, had to recede. We have had to lean hard on our internal resources – our patience, our hope, our tenacity. Understandably, we’re feeling a little depleted.

Embracing a non-diet new year - setting body positive resolutions 
Embracing a non-diet new year - setting body positive resolutions 

The relentless treadmill of diet resolutions is about to crank itself up again, at the start of the new year. After all the festive food adverts, Boxing Day onwards will see the focus shift instead to weight loss programmes, diet foods and new ‘healthy eating’ cookbooks, sold to you by slim people. It is a predictable, exhausting cycle, which perpetuates unhealthy ‘all or nothing’ thinking, and punishing and unsustainable restriction.

A beginner’s guide to developing body acceptance
A beginner’s guide to developing body acceptance

And so begins December, the month where dominant culture tends to deep-slide into a clarion call for ‘indulgence’ before, as regular as clockwork, the adverts and articles that promise ‘new year, new you’. Christmas is an exaggerated example of the pendulum swing that diet culture encourages; ricocheting between too much and not enough – all governed by a deep fear that we ourselves are not enough.

Three ways in which compassion can support our mental health #mhaw17

To mark this year's Mental Health Awareness Week, I've been considering their focus this year, on how we can thrive instead of merely surviving. This theme reminded me of the wonderful Maya Angelou quote, and so here is my second in a series of short blog posts exploring the different components of Dr Angelou's statement, and how incorporating these elements into our lives can lead to improved emotional and mental health. Today, I'm focusing on the value of compassion.

“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive, and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humour, and some style”
— Dr Maya Angelou

COMPASSION MAKES US FEEL GOOD

Compassion is similar to altruism or empathy, but is the specific response when we perceive suffering, and often includes not just an emotional reaction, but also action. Research shows again and again that when we give, we feel good; in fact, we feel as good as when we receive from others. The generous nature of compassion, either through our emotional and spiritual response, or through action, activates the 'pleasure centres' in our brain, and releases the same feelgood hormones that we associate with romance, sex, or chocolate. These hormones raise our motivation and energy levels, and raise our general level of wellbeing.

COMPASSION BROADENS OUR PERSPECTIVE

When we are feeling depressed, stress or anxious, we can become preoccupied with ourselves. We turn our thoughts over and over, worries swirl around in our heads and we find ourselves focusing on our own experience, sometimes at the expense of our relationships with others; in doing this, we can often find that our own suffering is amplified and we feel more pressure. When we extend compassion, and allow ourselves to connect with others in a positive way, we broaden our emotional horizons - considering the feelings and thoughts of another, and giving us some perspective to our own experience. In doing this, even when our experiences can greatly vary, we can focus on the commonalities that we share with others. By caring for another person, we are able to shift our attention away from ourselves and our problems; in that act, we find that our own wellbeing is elevated.

COMPASSION CULTIVATES TOLERANCE

Compassion is characterised by a non-judgmental acceptance for someone else's challenges or distress; by caring for someone else and having the benefit of some emotional distance, we can see their reactions and coping strategies in the context of their experience, even if their response is sometimes dysfunctional. And, when we get into the habit of extending compassion to others, we find it easier to apply compassion to our emotional experience. So often we give ourselves a hard time for feeling challenging emotions or distress, when we wouldn't dream of doing the same to another person going through the same experience. By accepting the full experience of someone else, and not judging them for it, we develop tolerance for our own, often complex, thoughts and feelings.

A TIP TO HARNESS YOUR COMPASSION TO IMPROVE YOUR MENTAL HEALTH

Set yourself the challenge of, every day, engaging in a random act of kindness. It could be small and simple, such as buying a coffee and sandwich for a homeless person or donating to a charity. It could be more personal, such as sending a loved one a little handwritten card, or dropping in on a friend or neighbour that you know would appreciate the company. Sometimes, opportunity will present itself - how about helping to pack the shopping of the parent in front of you that's struggling with a tired, grumpy child? Before you know it, you will be selectively attending to ways in which you can help others. Random acts of kindness make us feel happier, more satisfied, valued, and valuable; by changing someone else's day, you will soon realise that you can change your own.

If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this post, and think that counselling would help, do please contact me. For more details, or to arrange an initial consultation, call me on 07419 190930 or hello@concentriccounselling.com.

Mental health, Self compassionVicky Bellmancompassion, self compassion, maya angelou, mhaw17, mental health awareness week, mental health foundation, mental health, empathy, emotional health