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welcome to the concentric journal

 
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Fat Bubble: Bethany Rutter
Fat Bubble: Bethany Rutter
Why Bingeing is Only Half the Story
Why Bingeing is Only Half the Story

When people come to Concentric Counselling with a history of bingeing, they are often surprised that one of the first things I ask them is how often they restrict their food intake. To them, they are coming because the issue is bingeing. But what continues to reveal itself in the therapy room is that for many people that struggle with bingeing these episodes punctuate long periods of restriction.

The Heart of Body Collaboration - Intentions and Inspirations
The Heart of Body Collaboration - Intentions and Inspirations

Let me share with you some more details of the exciting model that I’ve been developing. Called Body Collaboration, it has emerged from my practice over the last ten years, a compassionate response to clients sharing a persistent issue - ‘I’m trying to hate myself into being ok with myself’. Body Collaboration is a pushback to a kyriarchal culture that teaches us to admonish ourselves rather than accept ourselves. It’s a radical practice of gathering in the most abandoned parts of ourselves, and offering them healing. And it’s a lovesong to what I think is the most powerful thing on Earth – partnership, collaboration, working together for the good of the all.

Sitting in the corridor - why it's a necessary part of recovery
Sitting in the corridor - why it's a necessary part of recovery

I often meet clients when they're in a particular spot... they’ve turned their back on intentional weight loss, knowing that going back into that way of life will only cause harm and open them up to risk. At the same time, they don't know how to transition into a space of body acceptance, knowing that there will also be loss in that decision.

From apology to entitlement - battling body assumptions
From apology to entitlement - battling body assumptions

In my corner of the world, we talk a lot about anti-fat bias or fatphobia and, more broadly, how it is to live in a body that is marginalised by dominant culture – through race, gender and sex, body size or shape, or disability.

Sometimes our conversations about anti-fat bias can take on a very theoretical and abstract form – as a systemic issue, of course we often look at it through a wide-angle lens. More recently, though, I’ve been thinking more and more of the individual impact of anti-fat bias – what it really means to live in a fatphobic culture.

Sensory Five - safety at your fingertips
Sensory Five - safety at your fingertips

Overwhelm and burnout don’t just happen in Covid times – these are themes I’ve been working for since the very beginning of my counselling career. It’s when our nervous system becomes overloaded, and we really struggle to regulate ourselves; feeling either anxious and agitated, or zoned out and flat.

Introducing A Modern Practice - Let Me Tell You More
Introducing A Modern Practice - Let Me Tell You More

For those of you who follow me on Instagram or subscribe to my mailing list you will know that I have been building towards a space for therapists to come together and connect. I’m so happy today to be able to outline this a little more, and introduce this idea to you.

Lessons from the ebb - how to get through when life draws back
Lessons from the ebb - how to get through when life draws back

We're in an ebb season, collectively, I think. And we're not encouraged to think about this at all. The effects of the pandemic, here in the UK, have been upon us for eleven months. And what’s been so surprising is how little accommodation we will often make for this. We’re living in a global tragedy – a collective trauma. Life has, necessarily, had to recede. We have had to lean hard on our internal resources – our patience, our hope, our tenacity. Understandably, we’re feeling a little depleted.

Embracing a non-diet new year - setting body positive resolutions 
Embracing a non-diet new year - setting body positive resolutions 

The relentless treadmill of diet resolutions is about to crank itself up again, at the start of the new year. After all the festive food adverts, Boxing Day onwards will see the focus shift instead to weight loss programmes, diet foods and new ‘healthy eating’ cookbooks, sold to you by slim people. It is a predictable, exhausting cycle, which perpetuates unhealthy ‘all or nothing’ thinking, and punishing and unsustainable restriction.

A beginner’s guide to developing body acceptance
A beginner’s guide to developing body acceptance

And so begins December, the month where dominant culture tends to deep-slide into a clarion call for ‘indulgence’ before, as regular as clockwork, the adverts and articles that promise ‘new year, new you’. Christmas is an exaggerated example of the pendulum swing that diet culture encourages; ricocheting between too much and not enough – all governed by a deep fear that we ourselves are not enough.

What recovery restores... sense of self

It’s Eating Disorder Awareness Week 2020 here in the UK, and an opportunity for us not only to focus on the challenge of an experience of disordered eating and eating disorders, but also the opportunity and potential that is possible with recovery.

If you have been on the spectrum of disordered eating and eating disorders you will know, whatever your place on the continuum, how much is removed by the experience: it’s a thief of joy, of satisfaction, of health, of connection, and of freedom.

Recovery can sometimes be reduced to weight restoration. But, working from a non diet perspective and whole person approach, my hope lives in seeing clients restore other aspects of themselves as well: their capacity, their resilience, their happiness, their self compassion and their relationship with themselves and their communities.

When I spend time with clients, we are all to familiar with what they have lost to their experience, and grieving is such a necessary part of the process of recovery. Often, it can feel like the process will never end, and it’s difficult to keep sight of what is gained through the process of recovery.

So, this week I want to mark it down in writing - a few common aspects that disordered eating and eating disorders take away, and recovery restores…

recovery restores… A sense of self

Disordered eating is an all consuming experience. It consumes time, energy, hope and, perhaps most importantly, it so often consumes identity. We come to be defined by our experience - through our relationship with food and body, through our treatment and through the attendant features too - perfectionism, self-criticism and control.

Recovery is an often challenging experience, because it requires to dig deep and go to some scary places. But one of the huge payoffs is that we restore a sense of self. Not only that but, if there are aspects that you find are no longer serving you, you can refine your sense of self. Eating disorders can consume your sense of who you are, and recovery allows you to reclaim your identity. You do not have to be defined by your eating disorder - to yourself, or to anyone else. Your eating disorder may have needed to be front and centre, but a more satisfying sense of self is possible.

value

Restoring a sense of self happens organically through the process, but one big aspect is taking some time to consider your core values. These are values that you prize in other people, and in yourself. They aren’t what you do, they’re simply who you are. When you become lost within your experience of disordered eating, defining your core values and living in harmony with them, gives you a grounding in yourself as you navigate your recovery and move on into a satisfying life.

compassion

I’m sure you have a well developed inner critic - the negative inner voice who tears apart what you do, and feels like a sabotage to any progress you make. Well, I don’t think they get to run the show. So, rather than trying to smoosh them down, which takes a great deal of energy, my approach is instead to crowd that voice out from having all the space, by developing an inner coach/mentor/cheerleader - an affirmative voice that believes in you, and your capabilities, and answers back to the inner critic so they don’t get the only say in the room.

Self compassion is a practice, and one that takes time, but through your recovery it is something that you can restore for yourself - helping you to restore a compassionate sense of who you, and what you are inherently worth.

Head back tomorrow, when I’ll be sharing another aspect that disordered eating takes away, and recovery restores.

This article isn't a substitute for counselling, although I do hope it helps. If you this article has resonated with you, consider seeking professional support. You can work with me in London, Kent or online, by contacting me at hello@concentriccounselling.com or 07419 190930.

Vicky BellmanComment