Concentric Counselling
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welcome to the concentric journal

 
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Fat Bubble: Bethany Rutter
Fat Bubble: Bethany Rutter
Why Bingeing is Only Half the Story
Why Bingeing is Only Half the Story

When people come to Concentric Counselling with a history of bingeing, they are often surprised that one of the first things I ask them is how often they restrict their food intake. To them, they are coming because the issue is bingeing. But what continues to reveal itself in the therapy room is that for many people that struggle with bingeing these episodes punctuate long periods of restriction.

The Heart of Body Collaboration - Intentions and Inspirations
The Heart of Body Collaboration - Intentions and Inspirations

Let me share with you some more details of the exciting model that I’ve been developing. Called Body Collaboration, it has emerged from my practice over the last ten years, a compassionate response to clients sharing a persistent issue - ‘I’m trying to hate myself into being ok with myself’. Body Collaboration is a pushback to a kyriarchal culture that teaches us to admonish ourselves rather than accept ourselves. It’s a radical practice of gathering in the most abandoned parts of ourselves, and offering them healing. And it’s a lovesong to what I think is the most powerful thing on Earth – partnership, collaboration, working together for the good of the all.

Sitting in the corridor - why it's a necessary part of recovery
Sitting in the corridor - why it's a necessary part of recovery

I often meet clients when they're in a particular spot... they’ve turned their back on intentional weight loss, knowing that going back into that way of life will only cause harm and open them up to risk. At the same time, they don't know how to transition into a space of body acceptance, knowing that there will also be loss in that decision.

From apology to entitlement - battling body assumptions
From apology to entitlement - battling body assumptions

In my corner of the world, we talk a lot about anti-fat bias or fatphobia and, more broadly, how it is to live in a body that is marginalised by dominant culture – through race, gender and sex, body size or shape, or disability.

Sometimes our conversations about anti-fat bias can take on a very theoretical and abstract form – as a systemic issue, of course we often look at it through a wide-angle lens. More recently, though, I’ve been thinking more and more of the individual impact of anti-fat bias – what it really means to live in a fatphobic culture.

Sensory Five - safety at your fingertips
Sensory Five - safety at your fingertips

Overwhelm and burnout don’t just happen in Covid times – these are themes I’ve been working for since the very beginning of my counselling career. It’s when our nervous system becomes overloaded, and we really struggle to regulate ourselves; feeling either anxious and agitated, or zoned out and flat.

Introducing A Modern Practice - Let Me Tell You More
Introducing A Modern Practice - Let Me Tell You More

For those of you who follow me on Instagram or subscribe to my mailing list you will know that I have been building towards a space for therapists to come together and connect. I’m so happy today to be able to outline this a little more, and introduce this idea to you.

Lessons from the ebb - how to get through when life draws back
Lessons from the ebb - how to get through when life draws back

We're in an ebb season, collectively, I think. And we're not encouraged to think about this at all. The effects of the pandemic, here in the UK, have been upon us for eleven months. And what’s been so surprising is how little accommodation we will often make for this. We’re living in a global tragedy – a collective trauma. Life has, necessarily, had to recede. We have had to lean hard on our internal resources – our patience, our hope, our tenacity. Understandably, we’re feeling a little depleted.

Embracing a non-diet new year - setting body positive resolutions 
Embracing a non-diet new year - setting body positive resolutions 

The relentless treadmill of diet resolutions is about to crank itself up again, at the start of the new year. After all the festive food adverts, Boxing Day onwards will see the focus shift instead to weight loss programmes, diet foods and new ‘healthy eating’ cookbooks, sold to you by slim people. It is a predictable, exhausting cycle, which perpetuates unhealthy ‘all or nothing’ thinking, and punishing and unsustainable restriction.

A beginner’s guide to developing body acceptance
A beginner’s guide to developing body acceptance

And so begins December, the month where dominant culture tends to deep-slide into a clarion call for ‘indulgence’ before, as regular as clockwork, the adverts and articles that promise ‘new year, new you’. Christmas is an exaggerated example of the pendulum swing that diet culture encourages; ricocheting between too much and not enough – all governed by a deep fear that we ourselves are not enough.

Three ways in which style can support good mental health #mhaw17

 

Mental Health Awareness Week has now come to an end, but May marks a general focus on Mental Health; of course, as a counsellor, it's my focus throughout the year! This year, the focus was on ways in which we can thrive, rather than simply surviving, and it generated considerable discussion about ways in which we can all support good mental health, both within ourselves, and with others. I took inspiration from Dr Maya Angelou and a quote from her, which seemed appropriate for the focus of the week.

“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive, and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humour, and some style.”
— Dr Maya Angelou

Today, in this post from my series for Mental Health Awareness Week, I'm focusing on how style can support good mental health; it's not something that immediately comes to mind, but I appreciate the opportunity to think creatively about how we can take care of our mental and emotional health!

Style gives us a sense of self

Or, perhaps more accurately, a sense of self gives us style. It's when we really know ourselves that we're able to truly define our own unique style. Knowing ourselves authentically on the inside makes us more able to express ourselves authentically on the outside!

Knowing our authentic self makes us more able to be congruent, which enables us to avoid conflict, by choosing relationships that are more likely to work for us, and engage in activities that leave us feeling satisfied. When we do that, we are far more likely to find fulfillment in a rich life, which boosts our mental health and emotional wellbeing.

Style gives us confidence

When we feel comfortable and expressive, we walk with purpose, speak with assurance, and act with courage. Confidence boosts our wellbeing in a number of ways; it fosters our ability to be assertive, and speak up for our needs and desires. It also builds much needed resilience, as we care more about our own opinion of ourselves than we do about the opinions of others. 

Style helps us connect

When you have a sense of your own style - the clothes you wear, the music you enjoy, the travel and hobbies and books that inspire you - you are often more able to identify like-minded people, and engage in fulfilling relationships. You might have noticed that you feel more comfortable around people that seem to know themselves, and feel comfortable with themselves' when we feel comfortable, and trust that we are meeting someone authentic, we are able to relax, and develop real connections with depth and intimacy. Having a well developed social group gives us more access to more of a support network, if and when our mental health takes a little dip.

Style, and Maya Angelou

Style may seem like an insubstantial quality, but knowing and expressing ourselves honestly can be extremely beneficial in developing and sustaining our personal identity. If you need further proof, just take a look at Maya Angelou here, speaking about some of the many elements of her style, with such ease and confidence, and how she continues to thrive, to delight in her own being. Dr Angelou left us with a unique insight into the challenges she faced in life, by the journals that she wrote and published; disrupted attachments, childhood abuse, mutism, teen pregnancy, poverty and racism. It can be difficult to imagine how someone could cope with the struggles she had to face and emerge with such grace and good nature' however, Dr Angelou has also left us with an understanding of exactly how she did this.

 

 

Through a sense of style and self, and her connection to the safe people in her life, she was able to heal from the pain of her history. Maya Angelou showed us that we need not simply survive our experiences but that we are able to live a life in which we can thrive... with passion, compassion, humour and style.

If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this post, and think that counselling would help, do please contact me. For more details, or to arrange an initial consultation, call me on 07419 190930 or hello@concentriccounselling.com.

#mhaw17, Mental healthVicky Bellmanmental health foundation, mental health, mental health awareness week, self esteem, style, confidence, self confidence